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The Human Doormat

I just recently saw a post from another Queen on Facebook. She was saying how she has always made sacrifices for others and can't even go to the store without her family looking for her...but she will now start doing things for herself. I had to comment and tell her that I felt her post with my whole soul. Why? Because I'm a wife and mother who gives her all. And not just to my husband and kids but to everyone I know and love. I'm an empath and I can't stand to see people hurting or in need because I know what it feels like to be hurting and in need. I don't wish that on anybody. But my giving goes far beyond just those in need.


There have been days that I've returned home with bare feet because I gave my shoes away to someone who admired them. I just got to the point where I'd leave an extra pair of shoes in the car because I never knew when I'd been summoned to give away the ones on my feet. I've done the same with jewelry, clothes, food, money...you name it. But I never complained because I know that my blessings come through my giving. I love giving and helping people. I love making people smile. I love seeing people doing well in life, so I do what I can to help them along the way. That's just me.


But while I'm telling it I gotta be honest and say this. Sure, there's a lot of joy in giving when you're giving because you're moved to do so. But when you find yourself constantly giving because every time you turn around somebody is asking you for something. JESUS!! Now, that kind of giving can become very frustrating and exhausting. Especially when the "do me a favor" never stops and you're made to feel like nothing you do is enough. And Heaven forbid if you ever say, "No". Then the attitudes just become stanky. Not stinky, but stanky. That's when they start acting like you ain't ever done anything for them before. I've witnessed it amongst family, friends, colleagues, church folks. I've even seen it in my own husband and kids from time to time. Not because they mean any harm but because they are just so accustomed to me always being there to do everything for them. I conditioned them to be that way because I always made myself available to them. It's the trap I set for myself. I spoiled them so I had to un-spoil them. Now, when I see the unacceptable behavior, I quickly put them in check. All the way in check!!


There was a time when I felt like being a good person meant doing everything people asked me to do even if it meant putting off what I want for myself. I'd continuously put off buying things I want just so I can use the money for someone else. I'd sacrifice going places I want to go because it wasn't convenient for another person who said they wanted to go along. I'd avoid having certain things because I didn't want others to feel bad that they couldn't afford to have it, too. I'd do all kinds of favors...one after the other...and never expect anything in return. Eventually, my need to please everyone brought me to my knees. Literally!! I found myself drowning in depression. All because I lost me in the process of trying to save everyone else. All the time I was trying to save the 99 and not realizing that I was the 1 that needed to be rescued. Lawd, what an awakening!!


Now, I do what I feel when I feel it. When I feel moved to give, I give. When I feel moved to help, I help. When I feel moved to say No, I say No. When I feel moved to just silently walk away without acknowledging you, I walk away. It was a hard lesson to learn but I finally learned that being a good wife, mother, minister, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, mentor, boss, employee...or just a GOOD person...does not require me to stop being good to myself.

Life is what you make it...and you deserve the best life has to give. Make it as good for yourself as you do for others!!

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